hand draw speech bubbles as conceptThe basis of employee experience and employee engagement is relationships. One of the most important relationships is with your direct manager. According to Gallup, “Managers Account for 70% of Variance in Employee Engagement.”1 So how can we focus on and improve our relationship with our manager and others in the workplace?

In Mind Gym: Achieve More by Thinking Differently, the authors provide research that the strength of a relationship can be determined in less than 15 minutes just by listening to how two people talk to each other. Responses feed the conversation or shut it down. And those responses are the result of a bid.2

 

What is a Bid?

A bid is a highly nuanced, emotional signal that invites a response.3 It’s the response to these bids that impacts the quality of your relationships.4

As an example, let’s say you are sitting on a plane and the person next to you asks, “Would you like a piece of gum?”  You could respond in one of three ways:

  1. You can “acknowledge the offer in a positive way:”5 “Thank you. I’d love a piece.” Or “Thanks, but I’m OK right now.”
  2. You can “acknowledge the offer in a negative way:”6 “That gum is disgusting.” Or “I don’t do gum.”
  3. You could “stay silent and change the subject:”7 “I heard there’ll be a lot of turbulence on this flight.”

However, you decide to respond will determine what happens next. 8

The first response was a “toward bid” and it will likely encourage the other person to make another bid.9 The other two bids are known as “against bids” because they do not invite further bids and effectively shut down the conversation because the other person notes that you don’t want to be bothered.10

 

Toward Bids

Let’s focus on the toward bids. Toward bids encourage you to make another bid of your own. They further the conversation because they show interest. “People who respond positively to others’ bids have healthier, happier, and much more successful relationships.”11

“Psychologists have identified four types of positive, or toward, bids. A healthy relationship will have a mix of all of them:”12

  1. “Nearly passive – A friendly grunt, an affirming “uh-huh,” or a gesture of acknowledgement: a nod or a smile”13 
  2. “Low Energy – A few words of acknowledgement –“okay” or “sure” – or a question to clarify the bid: “Sorry, what did you say?”14
  3. “Attentive – These responses indicate sharing opinions, thoughts, and feelings. They include an offer of empathy, insight, a joke, or a question.”15
  4. “High Energy – Attentive responses, but even bigger – with more energy, complete attention, and full eye contact. They are usually enthusiastic responses (“Wow, congratulations!”)”16 “They also have the most positive impact – when you get this kind of reaction, you really know you’ve been heard.”17

 

“How can you keep your bids going toward? Here are three ways to do so:”18

  1. “Always respond showing that you’ve heard what has been said, even if you want to change the subject.”19
  2. “Open every conversation with a positive bid.”20 As mentioned earlier, predictions about the outcome of a relationship can be determined within the first 15 minutes. “In many cases, the first three minutes gave a strong sense of whether the relationship was going to survive.”21
  3. “Even when you vehemently disagree with a person’s suggestions, say what you like about those suggestions first. Establish common ground before presenting your case.”22

 

You can take control of your relationships by learning the language of bids. Pay attention (mindfulness) to your bids and bids of others and see how they are received.  The more you can focus on toward bids, the better your relationships will be.

 

What are your thoughts on bids?  What examples of toward and against bids can you provide?

 

 

1 Beck, Randall, and James Harter. “Managers Account for 70% of Variance in Employee Engagement.” Gallup.com. Gallup, Inc., 2 Apr. 2015. Web. 17 Mar. 2016. <http://www.gallup.com/businessjournal/182792/managers-account-variance-employee-engagement.aspx>.
2 Bailey, Sebastian, and Octavius Black. Mind Gym: Achieve More by Thinking Differently. HarperOne, 2016.
3 Ibid., p.104.
4 Ibid., p.104.
5 Ibid., p.104.
6 Ibid., p.104.
7 Ibid., p.104.
8 Ibid., p.104.
9 Ibid., p.104.
10 Ibid., p.105.
11 Ibid., p.105.
12 Ibid., p.107.
13 Ibid., p.107.
14 Ibid., p.107.
15 Ibid., p.108.
16 Ibid., p.108.
17 Ibid., p.108.
18 Ibid., p.108.
19 Ibid., p.108.
20 Ibid., p.108.
21 Ibid., pgs.108-109.
22 Ibid., p.109.

 

 

Let’s Engage! 

I’m Agent in Engagement Simpson…Gregory F Simpson.

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