Currently, I’m reading Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder by Arianna Huffington. In the Introduction of the book, she spends a few pages on a topic that struck a chord with the way I approach employee engagement. She talked about what people remember and say about you once you are gone…eulogies.1 While not the happiest topic to consider, thinking about how you will be remembered will help you better focus your attention, time, and efforts while you are still around.
Résumé vs. Eulogy
Prior to her book being published, Ms. Huffington penned, “Are You Living Your Eulogy or Your Résumé?” for the Huffington Post. “Have you noticed that when people die, their eulogies celebrate life very differently from the way we define success in our everyday existence? Eulogies are, in fact, very Third Metric. At HuffPost we’ve made the Third Metric — redefining success beyond money and power to include well-being, wisdom and our ability to wonder and to give — a key editorial focus.” 2
To illustrate, she quoted New York Times columnist and author, David Brooks. “Eulogies aren’t résumés. They describe the person’s care, wisdom, truthfulness and courage. They describe the million little moral judgments that emanate from that inner region.”2
Watch David Brooks 5 minute TED2014 Talk: Should you live for your résumé…or your eulogy?
“Within each of us are two selves, suggests David Brooks in this meditative short talk: the self who craves success, who builds a résumé, and the self who seeks connection, community, love — the values that make for a great eulogy. (Joseph Soloveitchik has called these selves “Adam I” and “Adam II.”) Brooks asks: Can we balance these two selves?” 3
Do you live for your résumé or your eulogy?
Most of us, as Ms. Huffington and Mr. Brooks say, are living for our résumés. We are constantly looking for the next achievement we can document, the next promotion, the next anything that will help us stand out from the crowd. Yet, when we are gone, few, if any, of those accomplishments will be remembered.
How do you want to be remembered once you are gone? And keep in mind that “gone” doesn’t have to mean you’ve passed from this world. Maybe you’ve moved to another role, another company, another city, etc. What would former coworkers say about you to those that never met you?
If you say, “I don’t care about those people so why should I worry about what they’ll say?”, then, there is the first problem. You probably shouldn’t be in management. For the rest of you, the deeper the connections and engagement you have with your direct reports and coworkers, the less likely you are to be seen as a resume.
Eulogies of Others
Let’s turn the focus around. Instead of thinking about what people would say about you, what would you say about others? Could you give a eulogy for each of your direct reports, your manager, and your senior leadership?
I’m not saying you need to quiz people or pry into people’s lives. It is much easier than you think. People like to talk about themselves. You can glean information that will allow you to make a connection with them/ show you care. How? First, you must show that you care. If people think that you have ulterior motives, they will not trust you enough to share personal details. Secondly, listening is the key. Listen to what is important to them. Listen for meaningful ways to connect and engage with others:
- Birthdays (employees/coworkers and their families) – celebrate birthdays and other family life events
- Anniversaries (marriage and work) – remember the dates that are important to your employees and coworkers
- Names and activities of partners, spouses, and children – know who is important in your employees’ and coworkers’ lives and what is happening with them.
- Hobbies – discover how people spend their time outside of work.
- Religious beliefs – while this may seem controversial, understanding the beliefs, or non-beliefs, of your employees can provide deeper insight into an individual and help you understand the person as a whole.
The Challenge
I challenge you to make the effort to connect and engage with your direct reports and coworkers in a more meaningful way. Your resume will take care of itself if you focus on how you want to be remembered. The deeper your connections, the more meaningful your relationships with become. The more meaningful your relationships, the greater the likelihood that you’ll leave the legacy to which you aspire.
1Huffington, Arianna. Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder. New York: Harmony Books, 2014. P.15.
2 Huffington, Arianna. “Are You Living Your Eulogy or Your Résumé?” Huffington Post, 23 Sept. 2013. Web. 27 May 2014. <http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arianna-huffington/are-you-living-your-eulogy-or-your-resume_b_3936937.html>.
3Brooks, David. “Should you live for your résumé…or your eulogy?” TED2014, Mar. 2013. Web. 27 May 2014. <http://www.ted.com/talks/david_brooks_should_you_live_for_your_resume_or_your_eulogy#t-30823>.
P.S. First time here? Welcome to the Agent In Engagement site. Thanks for taking the time to stop by! I hope you’ll explore the rest of the site.Let me know what employee engagement topics interest you.
Other recent Agent in Engagement articles by Gregory F Simpson:
- Employee Engagement Recap for Week of May 19 – 23, 2014
- Employee Engagement Quotes from May 12 – 16, 2014
- Are Your New Managers Positioned for Success?
- Green or should I say, “Green Light” Your Routine
- A Reference for Employee Engagement Reports, Studies, and Surveys
- 7 Phases of Engagement
Let’s Get Engaged!
I’m Agent in Engagement Simpson…Gregory F Simpson.
I’m excited about this opportunity to connect with fellow “Agents.” Subscribe to the RSS Feed to receive the latest updates and/or register to comment on posts.
You can follow me @agtinengagement.
Email me at g…@a…t.com.
Learn more about me at www.gregoryfsimpson.com.
